The guy everyone thought had it figured out
Tom was a starting quarterback at a Division I school in Ohio. Scholarship. SportsCenter highlights. 3.4 GPA in kinesiology. His Instagram had 14,000 followers. His highlight reel got shared by recruiting accounts. From the outside, he was living the dream.
“Game days I was fine. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. I could perform under stadium lights with 40,000 people screaming. It was the other six days of the week that were killing me. I’d come back to my apartment after practice and lie on the floor. Not the couch. The floor. Couldn’t make it that far.”
It started his sophomore year, fall 2024. He blamed it on the pressure — film study, weight room, classes, media obligations. But the heaviness persisted through the offseason, when the pressure eased. It got worse his junior year. He started sleeping fourteen hours a day when his schedule allowed it. Missed classes. His position coach noticed his practice effort dropping and pulled him aside.
“Coach asked if I was partying. I almost laughed. I wasn’t doing anything. That was the problem. I had no energy for anything except the three hours of practice where I could run on autopilot.”
The locker room is the last place you talk about this
Tom told no one for seven months. In his words: “Quarterbacks don’t get depressed. That’s not a thing. You’re supposed to be the leader, the toughest guy in the room. I’d heard guys joke about mental health being soft. I wasn’t about to become the punchline.”
His girlfriend finally confronted him after he canceled plans for the fourth weekend in a row. She told him something was wrong and that she was scared. He broke down. It was the first time he’d cried in two years.
She went with him to the campus counseling center. PHQ-9: 19. Severe. The counselor referred him to the university’s sports psychiatrist — someone who worked specifically with athletes.
The sports psychiatrist started him on escitalopram. Tom’s concern was immediate: would it affect his performance? His reaction time? His decision-making in the pocket?
“She told me the depression was already affecting my performance more than any medication would. She was right. But the SSRI made me feel sluggish for the first three weeks. My forty time got slower. I know that sounds vain when we’re talking about depression, but for a D-I quarterback, a slower forty is a career problem.”
They adjusted the dose. The sluggishness improved but the depression only partially responded. After four months, his PHQ-9 was still 13. Better, but not where anyone wanted it.
TMS: the option that didn’t require a pill
Tom’s psychiatrist suggested TMS as an add-on to the escitalopram. The appeal for Tom was specific: no systemic medication side effects that could affect athletic performance. The treatment was localized to his brain. No drowsiness, no weight changes, no impact on reaction time.
“That’s what sold me. Not the science — I didn’t understand the science at first. Just the idea that I could treat my depression without putting more chemicals in my body that might mess with my game.”
The university’s athletic department covered TMS through their comprehensive health plan. Tom had his sessions at a clinic near campus during morning hours before practice.
Thirty sessions, six weeks, standard left DLPFC protocol. The clinic used NeuroStar. Sessions took about 19 minutes.
“I’d go in at 8 AM, sit in the chair, feel the woodpecker thing on my head, and be at the facility for film study by 9. Nobody on the team knew where I was going. I told them I was doing extra PT for my shoulder.”
Week two: the floor wasn’t calling anymore
The change was subtle at first. Tom stopped lying on the floor after practice. He made it to the couch. Then the kitchen table, where he actually opened his laptop and did homework. Small progressions that someone without depression wouldn’t even notice.
By week three, he went to a teammate’s apartment to play video games. He hadn’t socialized voluntarily outside of team activities in months.
“My roommate looked at me like I’d grown a second head when I said I was going to Jaylen’s place. He was like, ‘Dude, you never go anywhere.’ I just shrugged. But inside I was thinking, ‘Holy crap. I want to go somewhere.’”
His PHQ-9 at the midpoint: 8. By end of treatment: 4. His sports psychiatrist was thrilled. So was he.
The spring game — an intrasquad scrimmage that serves as a public showcase — happened two weeks after he finished TMS. Tom threw for 280 yards and three touchdowns. More importantly, he enjoyed it. Not just the adrenaline. The actual experience of playing football with his teammates.
“I’d forgotten what it felt like to want to be on the field instead of just showing up because I was supposed to.”
Breaking the silence
Tom did something that surprised even himself. After the spring game, during a team meeting, he told his teammates he’d been treated for depression. The room went quiet.
“I said, ‘I’ve been dealing with something and I got help. If any of you are struggling, it’s not soft. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.’ A couple guys came up to me after. One of them had been dealing with anxiety for a year and hadn’t told anyone.”
He’s not public about the specifics of TMS yet — the stigma in college athletics is real, and he has professional aspirations. But within his team, he’s become the guy people talk to when they’re not okay.
Tom’s advice for young athletes
- Depression doesn’t care about your stats. Being elite at your sport doesn’t protect your brain. Stop thinking it should.
- TMS has no performance side effects. No drowsiness, no slowed reaction time, no weight changes. For athletes worried about medication impacts, it’s worth discussing.
- Your athletic department health plan may cover it. Tom’s did. Ask your sports medicine staff.
- Tell one person. Tom’s girlfriend saved him by refusing to let him hide. Find your one person.
- Morning sessions work. Tom was done by 8:20 AM every day and made it to every practice and class.
Names and identifying details have been changed to protect patient privacy. This story is based on composite experiences reported by TMS patients and is presented for educational purposes only. It is not medical advice. Talk to a qualified specialist about whether TMS is right for your situation.